The last few weeks, I've been doing a lot of reflecting and thinking about how my life has turned out. I'm a big believer that God has a plan for each of us. But I think that sometimes, it is very difficult for us to understand why different trials come or why we have certain struggles.
For those of you that read The Book of Mormon, it says in Jacob 5:22: "And it came to pass that the Lord of the vineyard said unto his servant: Counsel me not; I knew that it was a poor spot of ground; wherefore, I said unto thee, I have nourished it this long time, and thou beholdest that it hath brought forth much fruit."
I've been thinking about that verse, and how maybe sometimes when it seems that life has been unkind or unfair to us, we ask the Lord, "Why? Why Lord would you do this to me?" But in this verse, He says, "Why would you ask me that? I know what I am doing, I know what you are capable of. I will take care of you, and this will all work out for your good."
I had many struggles when I went away to college. My sophomore year, I let personal problems keep me from church. I became frustrated with the way things were happening, and slowly but surely I let myself become a part of a totally different life. It's like I threw everything I had ever been taught my whole life--things to do, things to avoid--out the window. Eventually, I was a mess.
This is a picture of me from that time:
I really don't like this picture.
She looks unhappy. Her eyes are dark, she is not really smiling. It was really just a horrible time in my life. I was just sad. I was depressed, really. I did not go to any of my classes--I got F's every semester except for my ensembles. I would just waste away the day, shopping with money I didn't really have, or eating, or getting into trouble with friends. By the end of my time in Logan, I had acquired so many new habits and tried so many new things that I should have died multiple times.
And at the suggestion of my sweet sister Megan, I moved home to Texas. I was back around my family. I was away from everything negative I had been surrounding myself with in Utah. It was supposed to be the ultimate place to go away to college because I'd be surrounding myself with the church, but it wasn't the case for me.
Here is a picture of me a few months after I moved home to Texas:
I love this picture.
I love that woman. She takes care of herself. She has positive thoughts. She doesn't hide behind way too much eye makeup. She is smart. She works hard. She prays. She is kind to others. She loves God.
Moving back home was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
I had so many people wonder why I left during my fourth year of college, why did I leave the music opportunities I had, why would I come to a small town of about 6000 people? Actually, I think it's 5000...
Why?
Because I knew in my heart that I deserved more. I knew that I deserved to be happy, and I knew that I couldn't do it on my own. And when I doubted myself, doubted God, wondered why I had gone down this path, Jacob 5:22 answered that. God knew why. He was molding me into the woman He needed me to be. And now looking back, everything makes sense! I moved home for so many reasons! The main one being my husband. I would have never met him if I hadn't come home, and he has completely changed my life. I've been to the temple--I honestly did not think that would happen!! And the blessings that has brought into my life are immeasurable. I have an eternal family, what more could you ask for?
Moving home strengthened my relationship with my mom--I never thought we would be as close as we are now, and it's hard to remember what it was like to not be close with her! My testimony of the gospel really blossomed. I grew up, I matured. Although I'm sure I still have some maturing to do...
Old Brittany is not gone, it's just a different version. The New Brittany.
I promise I'm not so somber all the time, and that this blog will not just be about my sob stories or about me preaching. I am funny sometimes!! :)
And I'd like to add that she has not lost any of her ghetto-ness. She's still got it.
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