It Was Not Love at First Sight

I don't mean for that to sound harsh.

But when I first met Seth, I wasn't thinking, "There he is! There's my future husband!" Because the times in my life when I have thought that silly thought about someone, it always backfired.

I met Seth at church.

I think for LDS young single adults, there is this stigma attached to YSA activities--only the weird people go, and all of them want to get married and all of the activities are dumb. And sometimes, yes, that is true. But not always! Before I moved to Gilmer, I never went to any of the activities in my student wards in Utah. Of course, I didn't go to church either, so I never knew about them, and knowing about an activity makes it easier to go...

Anyway, after I moved to Gilmer, I decided that I needed to surround myself with good people if I was truly going to make this change in my life. So I started going to the activities: institute, FHE, and any other random activity there was. On one particular FHE night, I decided that instead of going to the activity, I was going to stay home with my mom, who was alone because my dad was in Florida. I thought it would be good to spend Family Home Evening with my mom, since we're family and everything.

But then Kelsie called me.

My cousin Kelsie was one of the YSA representatives for our stake, and she called me wondering where I was that night. She said they were making Valentine cards for the missionaries serving from our stake and that I should come. I was going to have to drive about 30 minutes to get to the house the activity was at, but Kelsie really wanted me to go, so I did. When I got there, it was a small group. Now, normally I don't do this, but I decided to just introduce myself to the guy sitting on the couch near Kelsie. "Hey, I don't think we've met before. I'm Brittany." "Hey, I'm Seth."

And that was it. No thoughts about him, nothing. I don't remember anything else about that night.

And then I started seeing him at the activities and at institute. My first thought was, "This guy is exactly like Marshall from 'How I Met Your Mother.'" He was hilarious. We never really talked, but I would hear his comments and just laugh to myself. He was friendly to everyone. You know how some guys are just flirtatious with everyone? Not Seth. He was just nice to people. The more I saw him, the more I wanted to get to know him. However, there was just one problem:

I was pretty sure he was 18 and had just graduated high school.

And that made me feel disgusting. I was like, "What is my problem?! I just finished my 4th year at a university, I am way too old to think that this boy is so cute!" So I double checked with my cousin Matt at work one day. Matt informed me that Seth was our age and that he had graduated a year after me. I found out he was only 2 months younger than me, and I accidentally exclaimed, "He is mighty fine!"

So what does Matt do?

Matt tells Seth. Matt tells Seth the very next Sunday that I think he is mighty fine.

And what does Seth do?

Seth asks me out.

He had noticed me several months before I did. He had seen me around at church. He saw me lead the music at Stake Conference. He had served me my food at the restaurant he worked at. And I don't remember any of it!! He said that because Matt told him my feelings, he had the courage to ask me out.

And the night that he asked me out at the end of institute, we stayed talking in the parking lot for probably 2 hours or so. At one point, his mom called to see where he was, and he said, "Mom, you're cramping my style. I'm talking to a girl." But as we started talking that night, I told myself that I was going to be myself around him.

Before Seth, I had this habit of changing myself to be whatever I thought the guy I was interested in wanted me to be. This includes a period of my life where I listened to heavy metal for one guy, another guy I pretended to be really country, another guy I pretended to love the outdoors and all activities like hiking, caving, etc. Oh, and another guy I learned several MLB statistics for. And of course, none of those relationships panned out. Why? Because I wasn't being myself. And if you keep doing that, one day, the real you is going to slip out and your partner is going to be really confused and the relationship will not work.

So, that night with Seth, I was honest and answered everything truthfully. My favorite band is Muse. I'm really interested in fashion. I love to eat. Like, I'm really, really good at it. I love rollercoasters. I like learning new languages. I'm not fluent in any, but I like to learn. Playing the piano helps me de-stress. And the thing I felt like I needed to tell him the most:

I'm just coming back to church. I may not be the kind of girl you are looking for.

To which Seth replied:

I just got active again a year ago. I know exactly where you are and how you feel.

And boom. I was sold. The rest is history. Everything happened so fast, and everything has come together so perfectly.

The title of this blog refers to a common misconception. I recently read a blog post that said that there is no such thing as love at first sight. I think it's a lovely phrase, it's really sweet and romantic, but it's true. Real, true, honest love takes time to develop. I can honestly say right now that I love Seth, but it's a different kind of love than when we first got married.

We have been through a lot together: learning how to live together, learning how to budget together, learning how to communicate when we disagree, learning how to compromise, learning how to eat the same boring meals every day because it's what we can afford, learning how to support each other, learning how to laugh even when we want to cry.

Surviving Pregnant Brittany together (that's a tough thing, folks. I'm not going to lie.). Cleaning up vomit (ok, so only Seth has had to do that one. But, he did it!). Picking out a baby name together. Going through labor together to bring a precious child of God into the world (ok, that one was mostly me. But Seth endured the unkind things I shouted out, like "How could you do this to me?!" and "Don't touch me! No wait, please rub my neck! No, don't touch me!"). Surviving when that precious baby starts screaming in the middle of the night and will not be calmed by anything. Loving that baby more than anything in the world.

Staying up late to help the other study for a big test the next morning. Helping each other with chores around the house and the yard. Forgiving each other quickly. Praying together. Taking care of each other when one gets sick. Getting through a death in the family.

Staying together despite our imperfections.

There is no such thing as the perfect companion, the perfect spouse. But for me, Seth is pretty darn close to it. He is so much better than my wildest dreams about a husband. So much better than the silly husband lists me and my best friend Brittany Smith made when we were 14. So much better than any guy I cried over in high school and college. He is just the ultimate. This love that we have is young, it is still growing, and it still has a lot of work to do. But I'm willing to do it. I want to keep trying. I want to have a big family, and keep having sweet babies that have a little bit of me and a little bit of him. I want to be there with Seth when he graduates from nursing school. I want to be there when we own our first home. I want to be there when Seth teaches Foster how to play baseball, when he baptizes him, when he ordains him to the priesthood, when our children grow up and move away, and when we are old and gray sitting on the front porch talking about old memories, like how I thought he was "mighty fine".

I am so grateful for every day God gives me with this incredible person. It might not have been love at first sight, but it sure is now.